Our close relatives in Toronto are few enough we can accommodate them at the first seder. So the question Beth and I asked ourselves is what we would do for the second. We decided, for the first time, to do a seder for two. Over the years, we have been gathering seder readings to supplement the Haggadah we use; there isn’t enough time or collective patience to incorporate them all. With only the two of us, we could include readings we like, drop those we don’t like, and candidly discuss why. Our seder for two was a religious observance and an intimate dinner, in which we could refer to shared thoughts and memories from our thirty years together.

Our starting point is the Reform Jewish Haggadah (RJH) introduced in 1974. We also use commentary from the 2012 New American Haggadah (NAH), edited by the novelist Jonathan Safran Foer, and commentary by the biblical scholar Joshua Berman, in his 2026 Haggadah, Echoes of Egypt. Berman’s commentary contrasts the religious ideas of the Hebrews with those of their Egyptian oppressors. And Beth has found other commentaries online.

Following the order of the seder (which literally means order), here are some of our choices, experiences, and reactions.

The Bread of Affliction: In his commentary in the NAH, Jewish Studies Professor Nathaniel Deusch observes that Matzah was both the bread of affliction and the bread of the poor, and the latter should inspire us to ask, in today’s context of increasing inequality, how much “bread” is enough and how much is too much.

The Four Questions: Rabbi Michael Strassfeld (whom I knew decades ago when we were university students) explains that “By admitting what we do not know, we take the first steps towards greater knowledge and learning. To ask questions is to signify our freedom.” Indeed, one of the key characteristics of an authoritarian society is shutting or shouting down questioning. In Echoes of Egypt, Professor Berman observes that the questions refer to divine happenings at night, which is a challenge to the sun god, the major Egyptian deity, who is absent at night.

The Four Sons: Beth and I are troubled by this section because it assumes the character of children is fixed. Rather than read it, we quote the Israeli writer Yehuda Amichai who in his 2000 book Open Closed Open observes that “I was all these sons [wise, wicked, simple, unable to ask] in different combinations.” In his commentary, Professor Berman notes that the answers given to the different children all refer to the Exodus from Egypt and giving of the Torah as collective and public events, again a contrast with the mediation of monarchs or priests between the deity and the people in Egypt and other Near Eastern cultures.

Maggid, The Narration: We began with Ellen Blum Barish’s poem The Retelling, in which she argues that the story of the Exodus is “never told the same way twice” and “never heard the same way twice.” We agree because we see the historical story as influenced by our present context, and we wonder which of many competing contemporary pharaohs is top-of-mind.

As part of the narration, Beth found a recent d’var Torah (sermon) by Rabbi Steven Abraham, “Before the Sea Splits: Faith Without Guarantees.” Rabbi Abraham quotes a midrash (commentary) that when the Egyptians pursued the Israelites, the sea did not split as soon as Moses appealed to God, but rather it split only after one of the Israelite leaders started to walk into the water, thus acting on his faith without a guarantee that God would reward it. So many important things in life – love and innovation are two that come to mind – require an element of faith.

In its commentary to the narration, the RJH quotes the twentieth-century French war hero, Dreyfusard, playwright, and writer Edmond Fleg’s 1927 inspirational credo:

“I am a Jew because the faith of Israel demands of me no abdication of the mind,

I am a Jew because the promise of Israel is the universal promise,

I am a Jew because for Israel, Humanity is not yet fully formed; humanity must perfect itself.”

My late sister loved that poem and always read it at our seders.

The Plagues: The RJH, as a commentary, lists ten contemporary plagues, among them: “the making of war; the teaching of hate and violence; despoliation of the earth; perversion of justice and government; corruption of culture; subjugation of science, learning, and human discourse; the erosion of freedoms.” This was 50 years ago, but these plagues certainly capture our moment.

The Hallel (psalms of praise): From our religious education, Beth and I remember some of the melodies, but neither of us have voices for singing. Beth lived in Israel for two years in her teens; I learned Hebrew at Hebrew school and religious camps in North America. Beth has a wonderful Israeli accent and reads the psalms. She jokes that my Ashkenaz accent makes me sound like a Litvaker, so I listen.

The Meal: leftovers from the first seder: easy and delicious.

Birkat HaMazon (grace after the meal): The traditional grace after the meal is ten minutes long, sung in Hebrew. It is fast-paced and joyous. We both learned it in its entirety when we were teens. We sang only a bit of it this year. Next year we will get one of many renditions found on YouTube and sing it with their help.

The Conclusion: Next Year in Jerusalem

I’ll conclude with the commentary of Jeffrey Goldberg, now editor of The Atlantic, in the NAH, “In Jerusalem itself, the seder concludes with the call, ‘Next year in rebuilt Jerusalem.’ The Jerusalem Jerusalemites are striving for is something else altogether, the Jerusalem on high. Jerusalem is the symbol of peace, the destination of the [Jewish] Messiah, the holiest place on earth, the purest expression of the profound Jewish belief that the world will one day be a better place. It is this idea of Jerusalem for which we also reach. When we reach it – and we will, for that is the core Jewish belief – there will be no more need for seders and Haggadot … Until that day arrives, we will continue to gather around the Passover table, to remind ourselves, and each other, of the work we must do.”

In this spirit, Beth and I will be curating another seder for two next year.